Radical Acceptance

Have you ever tried to get away from something but you couldn’t? Like a bee in the summertime, buzzing around just close enough to make you jump up and run away. This often leaves people scared and sometimes in pain from being stung.

Not accepting reality can feel similar to this. Running away from painful experiences in life usually leaves us feeling worse and in more pain. The other option we have is acceptance. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) has a core value called, “radical acceptance”. This is a concept that can be very helpful for those who have been trying to push away or run away from the things in life that may seem too difficult to deal with. Radical acceptance challenges us to accept our reality, however it is in the present moment. Now, this might not be the reality we want for ourselves – and that is okay! Acceptance does not mean being complacent. We can accept the reality we are living in and still want to work towards changes (if possible).

There are two helpful ways to practice radical acceptance. One is using coping statements which reflect an attitude of acceptance. Some examples of this may be: “The present is the only moment I have control over”, “I accept things the way they are right now”, “Dwelling in the past keeps me from enjoying the present”, and a popular one you may have heard before, “It is what it is”.  These statements help to replace statements of denial that are unhelpful to us and drive a narrative that sounds like, “I don’t deserve this”, “Why me” or “If only….(fill in the blank with what you’d like to change)”.

Along with the use of coping statements, using body language that reflects an attitude of acceptance is helpful as well. This can be done through relaxing your body and having open palms. Some may notice when we are really struggling to accept something, our body may become tense as we are trying to reject our reality. The use of a body scan where one goes through each muscle group and intentionally relaxes it could assist with this.

Using these two strategies should help you begin to put radical acceptance into practice. Many people experience benefits of less symptoms of stress, anxiety, and depression when they are able to use this skill successfully. If you found this helpful and would like to learn more about ACT, you may like the book “The Happiness Trap”, by Russ Harris.